I've got it but it doesn't hold me back!!

This is my #modellingstory by #ellewilks and this is:

I've Got It But It Doesn't Hold Me Back!!

Yes that's right. I've got OCD Anxiety and I've had it since I was a child. However it was never that bad so I didn't take any attention of it, I was young and had better things to think of. But as I'm getting old it's growing stronger with me.

It's hard to talk about this and share with people that I've got OCD Anxiety but I thought by doing this and proving that you can do anything you want it will help people who are also in the same situation.

My OCD is mainly about voices (thoughts) in my head. It tells me to do things that I don't want to do. It can be things such as walking on the left side of a pavement instead of the right and if I don't complete what it's telling me to do it says something will happen. Sometimes it's that the house will flood or people will loose their lives. Even though I know it could happen anytime anyway and by me not completing the ritual then it's not going to happen. But it's hard to tell yourself that and power over it. I get it all the time. It's constantly in my head repeating the same old stuff over and over again. I have to turn things on and off a repeated number of times and have things in certain places. That's only a few.

I have recently started going to see a Physiologist and she is helping me through. I've been seeing her for the past 2 months now and I know it's helped with some things. However others I just don't want to risk the fact that bad things could happen.

My Physiologist told me that she was extremely shocked when I said I do pageants and modelling and organise my own events. I find things stressful especially when it's not organised and she said that it is shocking I am doing this because it's really hard to control everything. But I always say, "I'm doing what makes me, me and if I wasn't I wouldn't know myself!"


I know it's only short but I just wanted to make the point that whether you have OCD or one arm you can still do everything and anything. Make it possible. 'When there's a will, there's a way' and if you have enough will power to fight through everything to do what completes you then there is always a way. You can succeed in anything if you push yourself..

I am currently preparing for the UK's Dazzling Beauty finals next weekend in Brighton and it is hard but I can do it without a saying because it's what I want and need to do so it's what I do.

OCD is a hard thing but when you learn to control it, whether it's just little things or the whole thing, it's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. It feels good. But if you fight through it you soon realise that you are stronger than you once thought.

Do you have anything you need to power through?

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